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Jesus Went to Georgia

March 10, 2009

My version of a traditional story. 

When Jesus was a baby, if  his  familyhad  fled to the “Bible Belt” of the United States rather than to Egypt, the story would have had a different outcome.

It is necessary to begin with the “Christmas Story”.  For those of you unfamiliar with the story, I will give a quick rundown.

Joseph, a middle aged poor working class Jew, became widowed and needed a new wife, so he chose Mary. Mary was a girl of about fourteen years of age. (marriage at her age was then and  is still legal in many middle eastern countries)

While engaged to Joseph, and living in a different town, she became pregnant, and not by Joseph.  When Joseph heard the gossip and confronted her, she told him, “God did it.”

 Joseph’s reply was “Okay. It’s bad enough you had to do it, but you’ve got to lie about it too?”

And Joseph proceeded to end the engagement.

Well, Joseph had a dream that night. In the dream an angel told him, “Don’t dump her, because God did it.”

So he married her.



During the time of her pregnancy, there was a huge star in the sky. The people said “Looks like someone very important is going to be born, on account of the star.”

 But that’s for later in the story.

 There was to be a census of the people. The males were to report to the cities of their ancestors birth to be counted, and they were to bring their wives and children with them. When Joseph and Mary arrived in the appointed city, she decided to go into labor, and gave birth to Jesus. After they were counted, they went home.





Later, some leaders wanted to come visit the baby Jesus.  After they left,  an angel came to Joseph (again) and said, “Don’t go back to your town, but escape to Egypt, and hide there until the present King dies.  The King has also seen the star and heard the rumors, and has asked Counselors for advice. They figured out the new King was supposed to come out of your hometown, and he is going to kill all of the boys under two years old so the baby can’t grow up and compete with the King for control of the region.


escape to Egypt

Escape to Egypt


This is where my story starts. The family will not be escaping to Egypt, but rather, to present day Georgia in the United States…


 Joseph said to the angel, “The United States?? We don’t have money for airfare, we don’t have time to apply for passports and Visa’s, and what excuse will I use? I don’t have any skills that the U.S. needs, so they are not going to let us in.”

The angel said, “Don’t worry, I know how to get you in, and you can get a construction job in one of the towns outside the Atlanta area.”

So they flew in to Atlanta Hartsfield airport. They immediately tried for refugee status, but could not get it, because no violence  had actually happened in their town.

They moved into a crappy old trailer park in a small town outside of Atlanta.  Not much, but the rent was cheap.




Mary really wanted to go to church, but there were no Synagogues in the neighborhood, and the State of Georgia had just changed the rules regarding driver’s licensing. They didn’t want those  “illegals” to have a comfortable life, so they increased the documentation needed in order to get a driver’s license.  Joseph would not be able to drive.

 They tried a local Baptist Church, but the preacher kept trying to get them “saved.” Mary was Jewish and didn’t want to be “saved.”

When Joseph tried to explain, the church leadership became suspicious and said that Mary and Joseph were  middle Easterners and therefore probably Muslim terrorists.  And really, if they were going to be in America, they should speak better English.

So they tried a Catholic Church, but they couldn’t take Communion with the others, because they weren’t Roman Catholic.

 They felt very lonely.


 Joseph had heard that if he would go down to the 7-11 store early in the morning and wait with the other illegals, he could probably get hired at a construction site.  He managed to get hired. Every day, the work van would pick him up at the store, and he would go to work building new homes, laboring  as a “rough-in” carpenter.

Life was getting better.




They found a Synagogue. It was only forty five minutes by bus. A few of the members could even speak Arabic.


Time went on. 

 One night they were watching CNN and a story about an atrocity in the Middle East came on. Seems this guy King Herod  had a bunch of baby boys put to death  in some small town nobody had ever heard of.

Mary trembled and held Jesus close..

A week later, while Joseph was at work, the police came and arrested him for being married to a minor child.




 Mary heard about the arrest, and figured she had better scatter before ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement)came to detain and deport her and the kids. So she grabbed their savings and moved to a trailer park in another town.

When the newspaper came out, the headline read, Illegal Immigrant  Arrested. Married to a 15 Year Old.

 “But that’s the way we do things in my country”, Joseph had replied in an exclusive interview.

Joseph was found guilty, sent to prison, and labeled a sex offender. He was to be deported upon completion of his prison term. 

Turns out one of the neighbors in the trailer park figured out Mary wasn’t his daughter, but his wife. So she had reported them.



 Mary didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t collect welfare, as they were not citizens. She did the only thing she could do. She got a job cleaning a rich woman’s house. Another family moved in with them at the new trailer park. They shared the rent.




Jesus’ mother took Jesus and Joseph’s other kids to the Synogogue every week.  Jesus went to public school, learned English, and loved his religious studies at the new Synagogue his mother had found.

Time passed. Jesus was  twelve now. One day he was sitting outside the Synogogue with the elders, and the men were praising him because of his profound understanding of the Scriptures. Quite frankly, they were amazed at his understanding.




After graduation from high school, Jesus took a job  in construction. He couldn’t go on to college because he was an “illegal alien”; therefore, he didn’t qualify  for in state tuition assistance. Jesus worked hard on the job, and was well liked. In his spare time, Jesus continued with his religious studies.

When Jesus turned thirty, he told his Mom he was going to go on tour, in order to better explain to the Jewish communities regarding their misunderstandings of faith.  His mom was worried that he would be caught and deported.  As he had not grown up in the Middle East, he wouldn’t know how to survive there. His stepbrothers and sisters took him for a whack job, and “Wanted some of what he had been smoking.”

The people of the Jewish Communities started realizing this Jesus had something to say. Many of the more open minded started to believe him. The Rabbi’s were becoming concerned. Jesus was teaching things that were destabilizing their powerbase.

 Jesus broke a couple of the Jewish laws and got himself in trouble with the Rabbi’s.  It was the Sabbath, and he had healed someone. (On the Sabbath, or day of rest, you may not work nor compel anyone to work. Unless, of course, it is to go out to a restaurant for lunch with your family). On another occasion, he ate without washing his hands. The Jewish leaders considered these serious violations of the rules. Jesus told them “God made the commandments for the benefit of Mankind, not to enslave them. And furthermore, many of these rules were made by you, not God, and you made them in order to make your lives easier and the people’s lives harder. You don’t even live by these rules yourself. Just like Congress. God doesn’t like that.”

Worse yet, some of the Jewish people were starting to follow Jesus, and the weekly offerings were down. If this trend were to continue, the people might call for an investigation as  to why some of rules had actually been written in the first place. From there, it could magnify, and the Baptists could start asking why they can’t dance or drink, the Assembly of God could ask why they must speak in tongues at every service, and the whole power base could start to crumble.

No, this would never do.

 So, they did a background check on Jesus and found out he was an illegal. They called the CIA. ” We have a terrorist on our hands”, the story went.

 They told the CIA  Jesus was gathering a group of people and was training them to overthrow the government  of the United States. He would then usher in his own Kingdom.

 The CIA came to investigate. They spied on Jesus but could find no evidence that he intended to overthrow the government. But the church leaders insisted.

So the CIA did the only thing they could do when they suspect a terrorist but have no charges. They detained him and sent him to Guantanamo, a tiny area on the island of Cuba, the only place on Earth where International Human Rights laws do not apply.

 He is still being held there today, despite protests.

What happened to Jesus’ follower’s?

Well, the Ku Klux Klan tracked some of them down, the Skinheads got the others. Most patriotic Americans were more or less okay with this.  It was kind of sad, but, as you know, the KKK and Skinheads are not really terrorists because they target people groups. Real terrorists target government buildings.

Moral to the story? I don’t know. How about please stop and think about how you treat the Sojourners in your land.

My next story, Catholic Charities Caught Kidnapping (another documented story) will be out Friday March 13, 2009

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